1562 Best Humor Quotes

He was an emotional guy. Who knew? – Silvio Dante

The sacred and the propane. – Carmela Soprano

You know, Quasimodo predicted all this. – Paulie "Walnuts" Gualtieri

He killed sixteen Czechoslovakians. The guy was an interior decorator. – Paulie "Walnuts" Gualtieri

I'm Peggy Olson, and I want to smoke some marijuana. – Peggy Olson

I'm just a humble motherfucker with a big-ass dick. – Bunk Moreland

The buns always rise in the oven of the streets. – Herc

I've fucking shit in bigger graves than you. – Alfie Solomons

I'm almost fucking beautiful. But I'm not what you would call a good man. – Alfie Solomons

No fucking fighting. No fucking fighting! – Alfie Solomons

I’m all over it like a maggot on a bone. – Greg Hirsch

Uh-huh. – Roman Roy

I’m a cog, a small, small cog in a… a big, big machine. – Greg Hirsch

Wubba lubba dub dub!

Wedding are basically funerals with a cake. – Rick

It's like the N word and the C word had a baby and it was raised by all the bad words for Jews. – Morty

Yeah, I'm a real 'red jacket' kind of guy. – Rick (as Purge Planet Rick)

You're young, you have your whole life ahead of you, and your anal cavity is still taut yet malleable. – Mr. Goldenfold

There is literally no one in the world that I don't hate right now. – Toby Ziegler

You're too stupid to know you're stupid. I'm surrounded by senior staff who went to Ivy League schools and can't do basic math. – President Josiah Bartlet

I'm telling you, if they were a spice, they'd be flour. – C.J. Cregg

The next time you have an idea, just let it go. – Leo McGarry

I drink from the keg of glory, Donna. Bring me the finest muffins and bagels in all the land. – Josh Lyman

Well, get your shit together. Get it all together and put it in a backpack, all your shit, so it's together. – Jimmy McGill

I'll take a potato chip... AND EAT IT! – Light Yagami

I'm not cute! I'm the beautiful Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye! – Riza Hawkeye

Heroes are the ones who share their meat! I don't wanna be a hero! – Monkey D. Luffy

I'm the king of the mountain! – Inosuke Hashibira

A real man never dies, even when he's killed! – Magna Swing

Oro? – Kenshin Himura

I don't like people who die when they're killed. – Vash the Stampede

A life without gambling is like sushi without wasabi. – Katakuriko Matsudaira

I’m not nice. I’m just too lazy to be mean.

If you’re going to do it, do it with style. Go out with a bang! – Elizabeth

Bread is life! – Sanae Furukawa

Here's another curse for you - may all your bacon burn! – Calcifer

Sorry, I'm being dramatic. I've just never been so scared in my life. – Howl

You're wearing that hat? After all the magic I used to make your dress beautiful? – Howl

A falling star has a terrible temper! – Calcifer

I don't eat! I'm a scary and powerful fire demon! – Calcifer

I'll never be a grandpa! I'm immortal! – Calcifer

You markin' my castle? – Calcifer

May all your bacon burn. – Sophie

I may be a pirate, but I'm not a bad guy. I'm just a little greedy. – Dola

We're pirates! We don't need a reason to chase treasure! – Dola

That’ll do, Donkey. That’ll do. – Shrek

Do you know the Muffin Man? – Lord Farquaad

It's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding? – Gingy

You and what army? – Shrek

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. – Donkey