1562 Best Humor Quotes

Sunday evenings: when reality comes knocking with eviction papers.

Sunday night is Monday's awkward pre-party.

The weekend is over, but my weekend brain is still in charge.

The weekend is over, but my desire to be productive is still missing.

Sunday evenings: when your freedom gets its eviction notice.

The weekend is over, but my pajamas are still winning the day.

Sunday night is Monday's awkward first cousin.

The weekend is over, but my motivation is still on vacation.

Weekends are like good hair days - rare and to be cherished.

The weekend is over, but my enthusiasm didn't get the memo.

The weekend is over, but my pajamas are still winning at life.

The weekend is over, but my productivity never began.

Weekends are like rainbows—they look good from a distance but disappear when you get too close.

Saturday is the perfect day to do absolutely nothing and feel good about it.

Sunday nights are just Monday mornings in disguise.

Friday: the day where productivity goes to die.

Friday is my second-favorite F-word.

Saturday: the day to forget your to-do list.

Friday night is for fun, Saturday is for recovery, Sunday is for denial.

Friday is the golden child of the week.

Saturday is the day to be lazy without guilt.

Friday is the superhero of weekdays.

Saturday is the day to wear pajamas until noon.

Saturday is the day to be unapologetically lazy.

Friday is the day to trade productivity for happiness.

Weekends are the universe's way of apologizing for Mondays.

Friday is the superhero that saves us from the workweek.

Sunday evenings are just Monday mornings in training.

Friday is the golden child of the weekday family.

Weekends are the glue that holds my sanity together.

I want to get chocolate wasted! – Becky Feder

I haven’t had a drink in 13 years… well, not counting today. – Rob Hilliard

ou’re fat. I’m not gonna sugarcoat it… because you’d probably eat that too. – Eric Lamonsoff

Just because I talk slow doesn’t mean I’m stupid. – Marcus Higgins

I can’t afford a boat. What am I, a doctor? – Kurt McKenzie

My mom’s ashes are in that urn. Don’t knock it over… again. – Rob Hilliard

Look at the arrow in your foot. That’s gotta hurt! – Marcus Higgins

Your son wears a toupee. He’s 4 years old. – Lenny Feder

See this muscle? I could bench-press your mother with it. – Eric Lamonsoff

I think I just made a boom-boom. – Marcus Higgins

She’s not my nanny, she’s my wife. – Rob Hilliard

You can’t fix stupid. – Kurt McKenzie

That’s not a swan, that’s my mother-in-law! – Marcus Higgins

I’m the coach now. And the coach says—beer time! – Eric Lamonsoff

You’re the one with the 70-inch plasma. You don’t even like sports! – Kurt McKenzie

He’s 48 months old. – Deanne McKenzie

We’re men. We don’t use suntan lotion. We burn, peel, and then toughen up. – Marcus Higgins

We’re not that old. We still got it! – Lenny Feder

I don’t want to grow up. Growing up sucks. – Marcus Higgins

Why does your pool smell like egg salad? – Eric Lamonsoff