1562 Best Humor Quotes

Man who sinks in quicksand will soon reach bottom. – Confucius

A woman is like a tea bag—you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water. – Eleanor Roosevelt

The trash took itself out.

he best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. - Oscar Wilde

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. - Mark Twain

Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it's a brighter day.

The best way to delete toxic people from your life? Press CTRL + ALT + DEL.

Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary... that's what gets you. - Jeremy Clarkson

Gone fishing.

I told you I was sick.

His jokes still echo in our hearts.

Nieces are the daughters we’re blessed with without the teenage attitude!

Aunt life: All the love of being a mom, with the perk of giving them back!

Aunts are the cool moms who let you eat dessert first.

Aunts are the ones who buy the loud toys and let you stay up past bedtime.

Keep your day job, 'til your night job pays. – Jerry Garcia

I may be going to hell in a bucket, but at least I'm enjoyin' the ride. – John Perry Barlow ("Hell in a Bucket")

If you’ve got a warrant, I guess you’re gonna come in. – Robert Hunter ("Friend of the Devil")

On Wednesdays, we wear pink.

Wednesday is the perfect day to laugh a little louder.

Wednesday—because Monday’s mess is behind you.

Wednesday is like the middle child of the week—often overlooked but essential.

Wednesday—because even the week needs a coffee break.

Wednesday: The day to laugh at Monday’s drama.

Wednesday—because surviving Monday and Tuesday deserves a celebration.

Wednesday—because the weekend is playing hard to get.

Wednesday—because even the week needs a little mid-week magic.

Wednesday—because even the week needs a little mid-week magic.

Wednesday—because you’ve already survived half the week!

Wednesday—because the weekend is just a thought away.

Wednesday—because you’re stronger than Monday’s chaos.

Wednesday—because even the week needs a little push.

Wednesday—because you’re halfway to victory!

Wednesday—because you’ve already outlasted Monday’s madness.

Wednesday—because the weekend is whispering your name.

Wednesday—because you’re winning the week!

Wednesday—because you’re closer to Friday than you think.

Wednesday—because the week needs a hero, and that’s you.

Wednesday—because you’re a warrior, not a worrier.

Wednesday—because the weekend is flirting with you.

Wednesday—because you’re the MVP of the week.

Wednesday—because you’re too close to quit now.

Wednesday—because you’re turning ‘someday’ into ‘today.’

On Thursdays, we pretend we’re not counting down to Friday.

Thursday is like the pre-game to Friday’s celebration.

Thursday—because you survived Monday through Wednesday.

Thursday: The day to laugh at Monday’s struggles.

Thursday—because even the week knows Friday’s coming.

Thursday—because you’ve earned that extra cup of coffee.

Thursday—because the weekend is just a day away.