34 Best Parenting Quotes

There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one. - Jill Churchill

My child, the troubles and temptations of your life are beginning, and may be many; but you can overcome and outlive them all if you learn to feel the strength and tenderness of your Heavenly Father as you do that of your earthly one.

Our love is like a diaper change - messy but necessary.

I love you like a teenager loves their phone - obsessively but with occasional frustration.

I love you more than our kids love destroying the house we just cleaned.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.' - Jack Handey

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex. - Jack Handey

If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus. - Jack Handey

The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of their tires. - Jack Handey

I think the best way to get your kids to eat their vegetables is to tell them they're candy. Then when they find out you lied, tell them life is full of disappointments. - Jack Handey

The best way to get your kids to clean their room is to tell them you hid money in it. Then when they don't find any, tell them life is full of disappointments. - Jack Handey

I think the best way to teach kids about money is to charge them rent." - Jack Handey

The best way to get your kids to eat their vegetables is to tell them they're what superheroes eat. Then when they find out you lied, tell them life is full of disappointments. - Jack Handey

The best way to get your kids to do their homework is to tell them it's not due until tomorrow. Then when they find out you lied, tell them life is full of disappointments. - Jack Handey

The best way to get your kids to clean their room is to tell them you hid a pony in it. Then when they don't find one, tell them life is full of disappointments. - Jack Handey

The best way to get your kids to eat their vegetables is to tell them they're what astronauts eat. Then when they find out you lied, tell them life is full of disappointments. - Jack Handey

The best way to get your kids to do their chores is to tell them you hid a treasure in the laundry. Then when they don't find any, tell them life is full of disappointments. - Jack Handey

The best way to get your kids to eat their vegetables is to tell them they're what rock stars eat. Then when they find out you lied, tell them life is full of disappointments. - Jack Handey

Your son’s like 10 years old, he doesn’t need a cell phone! – Lenny Feder

Your son wears a toupee. He’s 4 years old. – Lenny Feder

We used to climb trees, play outside, drink from the hose. Now kids just sit in front of screens. – Lenny Feder

He’s 48 months old. – Deanne McKenzie

You can’t win all the time. Sometimes you gotta let the kids have it. – Lenny Feder

It's time to let go! – Crush

You have to learn to let go. – Django

I'm Positive she can handle this.

I just wanted Riley to be happy.

Done properly, parenting is a heroic act. Done properly. – Edna Mode

Bad language is a stage all children go through, and it dies with time when they learn they're not attracting attention with it. – Atticus Finch

When you send them down to me, they're already spoiled. – Mary Poppins

I've always thought a good licking now and then was good for a boy. – Melanie Wilkes

You may come out when you've learned to be a loving child. – Coraline's Other Mother

The truth is, marijuana probably isn't going to make you kill people. It probably isn't going to fund terrorism. But, well, son, pot makes you feel fine with being bored. And it's when you're bored that you should be learning some new skill or discovering some new science or being creative. – Randy Marsh

So, Jonathan, how was the pull-out? – Joyce Byers