1562 Best Humor Quotes

You climb obstacles like old people fuck! – Gunnery Sergeant Hartman

Only two things come from Texas: steers and queers. And I don't see no horns on you, boy. – Gunnery Sergeant Hartman

Did your parents have any children that lived? – Gunnery Sergeant Hartman

BoooOOOoooK! – Winifred Sanderson

Amok, amok, amok, amok! – The Sanderson Sisters

Another glorious morning. Makes me sick! – Winifred Sanderson

You know, I've always wanted a child. And now I think I'll have one... on toast! – Winifred Sanderson

Hello, welcome to the 90s! – Dani Dennison

I'm a virgin. I don't know if you've ever heard the story, but you light the black flame candle, and it kind of brings us back from the dead. So, you know, my bad. – Max Dennison

Yabos! – Sarah Sanderson

Well, it's a full moon tonight. That's when all the weirdos come out. – Ernie

Oh, look, another glorious morning. Makes me sick! – Winifred Sanderson

You are so cute. I could eat you up. But I won't... because I'm in a hurry! – Mary Sanderson

Booooooook! – Mary Sanderson

I'm a 300-year-old witch and I want to be pretty! – Winifred Sanderson

It's a beautiful night for a curse, isn't it? – Winifred Sanderson

You know, I think I'm going to enjoy this century. Look at all the lovely colors! – Sarah Sanderson

Well, it's a dead man's toe. – Mary Sanderson

Welcome to the party, pal! – John McClane

Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs... – John McClane

Now I have a machine gun. Ho-ho-ho. – John McClane

Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister. – John McClane

Only John can drive somebody that crazy. – Holly McClane

That's a nice suit. It'd be a shame to ruin it. – John McClane

I promise I'll never even think about going to another party as long as I live. – John McClane

I was in Jr. High, dickhead. – John McClane

What is this? A center for ants? – Derek Zoolander

The files are in the computer? – Derek Zoolander

Orange Mocha Frappuccino! – Jacobim Mugatu

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! – Jacobim Mugatu

But why male models? – Derek Zoolander

A eugoogoolizer... one who speaks at funerals. – Derek Zoolander

I'm not an ambi-turner. It's a problem I've had since I was a baby. I can't turn left. – Derek Zoolander

The world doesn't need a fourth floor. What it needs is love. – Derek Zoolander

Listen to your friend Billy Zane. He's a cool dude. He's trying to help you out. – Hansel

You can read minds?! – Derek Zoolander

I think I've got the black lung, pop. – Derek Zoolander

What do you think this is, a diaper? It's an evening wrap. – Katinka

I invented the piano key necktie! I invented it! – Jacobim Mugatu

Relax, Der. You know what? Let's just go find your friends. – Hansel

Mer-man! – Derek Zoolander

You should listen to your friend, Billy Zane. He's a cool dude. – Hansel

Break the cycle, Derek. Break the cycle. – Hansel

I'm gonna be completely honest with you. I'm not a smart man. – Derek Zoolander

You serious? I just told you that a moment ago. – Hansel

He can Derelicte my balls! – Maury Ballstein

The center is a magical place. It's where everything becomes nothing. – Derek Zoolander

I'm a hand model, mama. A finger jockey. We think differently than the face and body boys. – J.P. Prewitt

You think I'm funny? Funny how? Like a clown? – Maury Ballstein

Earth to Matilda! – Derek Zoolander