1562 Best Humor Quotes

He's a peeping tom! Dad, you killed the car! – Dave McFly

That is one big pile of shit. – Dr. Ian Malcolm

Dino... uh, find someone else to eat! – Ray Arnold

Hold on to your butts. – Ray Arnold

Dinosaurs eat man. Woman inherits the earth. – Dr. Ian Malcolm

When you gotta go, you gotta go. – Dr. Ian Malcolm

I really hate that man. – Dr. Ian Malcolm

Can we just have a moment of silence for the late, great Jurassic World? – Lowery Cruthers

Keep the change, ya filthy animal. – Kevin McCallister

You guys give up? Or are you thirsty for more? – Kevin McCallister

Wow, what a hole! – Harry Lyme

I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me! – Kevin McCallister

Snakes? Snakes! I hate snakes! I hate snakes! – Marv Merchants

I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap; including all my major crevices; including in between my toes and in my belly button, which I never did before but I will do again. – Kevin McCallister

I'm not a pervert, I was just looking for a pair of scissors. – Kevin McCallister

Why the hell did you take your shoes off? / Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken? – Harry and Marv

Please, have mercy. I'm just a stupid, weak, pitiful, little man. – Marv Merchants

I'm not a burglar, I'm an exterminator! – Harry Lyme

Fuller, easy on the Pepsi! – Kevin McCallister

You're what the French call "les incompétents". – Kevin McCallister

I'm not a criminal, I'm a brother! – Frank McCallister

We're not crooks, we're your brothers! – Frank McCallister

The world is falling apart, and I'm just enjoying the show. – Clementine

Sand is overrated. It's just tiny, little rocks. – Clementine

Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush. – Bobby Boucher

Now you wait just a minute! You didn't finish your SUPPER! – Mama Boucher

That's high-quality H2O. – Bobby Boucher

Foosball is the devil! – Mama Boucher

You can do it! – Rob

My Mama says that my fumbling is the devil. – Bobby Boucher

I'm a moron?! You're the moron! You're the moronic one! I'm not the moron! – Bobby Boucher

Now, that's what I call a tackle! I read about those in a book! – Bobby Boucher

Vicki Vallencourt is a devil woman with boobies. – Mama Boucher

Gaaaaaaaatoraaaaaade! – Bobby Boucher

Water sucks! It really, really sucks! – Gee Grenouille

You ain't cool unless you pee your pants! – The Boy

The price is wrong, Bob! – Happy Gilmore (on TV)

Mama says happiness is from magic rays of sunshine that come down when you're feeling blue. – Bobby Boucher

I'm all messed up! – Bobby Boucher

You don't have to go to the library to know that. – Bobby Boucher

That's some powerful water you got there, boy. – Coach Klein

I'm the water boy, you know. I do the water. – Bobby Boucher

Now, I can't let you do that, Bobby. That's the devil's music! – Mama Boucher

I'm gonna go get my stuff. And then I'm gonna kick your ass! – Bobby Boucher

You're not cool. You stink! – Bobby Boucher

Now, don't you be tellin' none of them college folks that I sent you, 'cause they don't like me. – Mama Boucher

Now, I didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice... It's time for the medulla oblongata! – Coach Klein

He's makin' tackles, he's makin' tackles, he's makin' tackles! – Announcer

You can do it! All night long! – Rob

You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece! – Gunnery Sergeant Hartman