1562 Best Humor Quotes

My name's Joe Dirt. My parents must have hated me. – Joe Dirt

It's a rock. I'm not gonna spend my life getting a rock a nickname. – Joe Dirt

You know what? Screw you, tornado! – Joe Dirt

That was my mom. She was beautiful. She was half Cherokee, half prostitute. – Joe Dirt

Kick his ass, Sea Bass! – Bartender

That John Denver's full of shit, man. – Lloyd Christmas

We landed on the moon! – Lloyd Christmas

What's the matter, Harry? Some little filly break your heart? No, it was a girl. – Lloyd Christmas

I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy. – Lloyd Christmas

She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention. – Harry Dunne

Let's put another shrimp on the barbie! – Lloyd Christmas

You know, the gas man. He's a wise guy. – Harry Dunne

Pretty bird... pretty bird... – Lloyd Christmas

He must have done like a hundred. – Harry Dunne

I'm gonna have the cup of coffee and the ham and cheese on rye. What the heck, I'm feeling crazy, make it a turkey. – Lloyd Christmas

Maximum effort! – Deadpool

You're about to leave a carbonadium impression on me? I'm about to leave a stainless steel impression on you! – Deadpool

Fourth wall break inside a fourth wall break? That's like, sixteen walls. – Deadpool

Let's see... guns, guns, guns, more guns, swords... ooh, this one's nice. – Deadpool

The suit? It's a non-consensual world of red, spandex. – Deadpool

You look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah. – Deadpool

I'm touching myself tonight. – Deadpool

This place looks like a geometry textbook threw up on it. – Deadpool

I can't tell you my name, but it rhymes with Bed Pool. – Deadpool

I'm the Juggernaut, bitch! – Juggernaut

My common sense is tingling. – Deadpool

Superhero landing! You know, that's really hard on your knees. – Deadpool

I'm about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late '90s. – Deadpool

Time to make the chimi-fucking-changas. – Deadpool

I'm the goddamn shit-slide, and you're about to take a ride. – Deadpool

That's a bold move, Cotton, let's see if it pays off. – Deadpool

You're so dark! Are you sure you're not from the DC universe? – Deadpool

Let's get this thing done so I can get back to my lovely bride, who by the way, I fully intend on sexing up the moment this is over. – Deadpool

Big CGI fight coming up! – Deadpool

I hope you're wearing your brown pants. – Deadpool

Great Scott! – Dr. Emmett Brown

I'm your density. I mean, your destiny. – George McFly

You're just too darn loud, kid. – Mr. Strickland

Maybe you were adopted. – Lorraine Baines

Wait a minute, Doc. Ah... Are you telling me you built a time machine... out of a DeLorean? – Marty McFly

This is heavy. – Marty McFly

There's that word again: "heavy." Why are things so heavy in the future? Is there a problem with the Earth's gravitational pull? – Dr. Emmett Brown

You got a permit for that? – Cop

Make like a tree, and get out of here. – Biff Tannen

It's a board with wheels. – Marty McFly

Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here? – Biff Tannen

The only way he could get any uglier is if he went back in time and married his mother. – Biff Tannen

You are my ma- You are my ma- You are my density. – George McFly

What the hell is a gigawatt? – Marty McFly

Silence, Earthling! My name is Darth Vader. I am an extraterrestrial from the planet Vulcan! – Loraine's Brother