1562 Best Humor Quotes

What in the wide, wide world of sports is a-goin' on here? – Taggart

The way you put it, it looks like we're caught. – Howard Johnson

It's twue! It's twue! – Lilli Von Shtupp

He's not from Havana. He's from Sweden. – Bart

Have you gone berserk? Can't you see that man is a Ni? – Howard Johnson

My name is Jim, but most people call me... Jim. – The Waco Kid

We'll take the niggers and the chinks, but we don't want the Irish! – Railroad Worker

Candygram for Mongo! – Bart

They said you was hung. – Taggart

And they was right. – The Waco Kid

Stand still, boy. What's the matter with you? – Olson Johnson

The little bastard shot me in the ass! – Hedley Lamarr

Where the white women at? – Cleavon Little (ad-libbed by the actor)

Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile. – Hiccup

You just gestured to all of me. – Hiccup

It's not so much what you look like, it's what's inside that he can't stand. – Gobber

I was testing the wind. – Hiccup

We're going to need a new queue for the forge. – Gobber

I'll catch you on the flip side. – Rocco

There was a firefight! – Agent Smecker

We're sorta like 7-Eleven. We're not always doing business, but we're always open. – Connor MacManus

People must think we're a couple of faggots. – Connor MacManus

It don't matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning's winning. – Rocco

I'm thinking we might need a bigger gun. – Murphy MacManus

I'm the one who's going to have to take a shit in the woods. – Murphy MacManus

Reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold, bye! – Bill Cipher

When there's no cops around, anything's legal! – Stan Pines

I've got some children I need to make into corpses. – Bill Cipher

This signature is... squints... unreadable. – Dipper Pines

I'm not gonna be remembered as the man who invented the finglonger! A device which lets you... FING... LONGER... – Dr. Aloysius Pines "Ford"

My ex-wife still misses me... BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN' BETTER! – Stan Pines

The future is in the past! ONWARDS, AOSHIMA! – Grunkle Stan

Oh, this is priceless! The one guy who might have the answers, and I can't understand a word he's saying! – Dipper Pines

Children! Fighting! This is no time for children fighting! – Old Man McGucket

The name's Blendin Blandin. Time Wish Department? Anytime, anyplace, any-when? – Blendin Blandin

Well, well, well! A SIX-FINGERED MAN! – Stan Pines

I'm the guy who bought a dozen condoms and a shovel! You figure it out! – Stan Pines

I'm not sure what I'm more scared of: the fact that there's a monster in our house, or the fact that you're not more scared of that fact. – Dipper Pines

I'm not a criminal! I'm... just... an entrepreneur who's... bad at paperwork! – Stan Pines

I've got a mullet, Dipper! A MULLET! – Mabel Pines

The whole town thinks I'm a crazy old kook! ...Well, more than they used to. – Old Man McGucket

I'm not just some sidekick! I'm the side-kickiest sidekick to ever kick a side! – Soos Ramirez

You're wearing that hat? After all the magic I used to make your dress beautiful? – Howl

Sorry, I'm being dramatic. I've just never been so scared in my life. – Howl

Here's another curse for you - may all your bacon burn. – Calcifer

I don't cook. I'm a scary and powerful fire demon! – Calcifer

Honestly, you throw as many tantrums as Markl. – Sophie

Go on, admit it. You think I'm gorgeous, don't you? – Howl

It's a piece of cake. – Ludo

If she would just keep her mouth shut... – Hoggle