1562 Best Humor Quotes

Well, then, maybe the lesson is, if you're going to build a million-dollar wall, you should probably make sure a fat kid can't knock it down with a giant mech. – Stan Marsh

I'm not a Republican or a Democrat. I'm just a guy who likes to get rich and have sex with ladies. – Randy Marsh

Surely you can't be serious. – Dr. Rumack

I am serious... and don't call me Shirley. – Dr. Rumack

I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue. – Steve McCroskey

The shit is going to hit the fan! – Steve McCroskey

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines. – Steve McCroskey

Joey, have you ever been in a... in a Turkish prison? – Steve McCroskey

I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you. – Dr. Rumack

I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you. – Dr. Rumack (repeated)

I speak jive. – June Cleaver

Surely you can't be serious. – Dr. Rumack

I am serious... and don't call me Shirley. – Dr. Rumack

The life of everyone on board depends upon just one thing: finding someone back there who can not only fly this plane, but who didn't have fish for dinner. – Dr. Rumack

It's an entirely different kind of flying, altogether. – Striker

It's an entirely different kind of flying. – Striker

Johnny, what can you make of this? – Captain Oveur

I can make a hat, a brooch, a pterodactyl... – Johnny

A hospital? What is it? – Dr. Rumack

It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now. – Dr. Rumack

Ever seen a grown man naked? – Captain Oveur

Do you like gladiator movies? – Captain Oveur

Have you ever been in a Turkish prison? – Captain Oveur

I just want to say good luck, and we're all counting on you. – Dr. Rumack

The fog is getting thicker! – Ted Striker

And Leon's getting laaarrrger! – Ted Striker

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking. – Steve McCroskey

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking. – Steve McCroskey

Mornings are for coffee and contemplation. – Jim Hopper

She's our friend and she's crazy! – Dustin Henderson

You're not a monster, Steve. You're a babysitter. – Dustin Henderson

Turn around. Look at what you seeeeee. In her face. The mirror of your dreeeeeams. – Dustin Henderson

You're going to take us to the chocolate pudding. – Dustin Henderson

I dump your ass! – Lucas Sinclair

So, Jonathan, how was the pull-out? – Joyce Byers

This is crazy. This is crazy! We are all going to be murdered! – Dustin Henderson

She's everything. He's just Ken. – Narrator

I'm a man with no power. Does that make me a woman? – Ken

Suit up! – Ken

My job is just beach. – Ken

To be honest, when I found out the patriarchy wasn't about horses, I lost interest. – Ken

Maybe it's the patriarchy. It's usually the patriarchy. – Narrator

I don't control the railways or the flow of commerce! – Allan

I'm having a major existential crisis. I need to play some acoustic guitar. – Ken

This is the best day ever. So far. – Ken

I'm not good at anything. Except for beach. – Ken

I understand what you're saying, and your comments are valuable, but I'm gonna ignore your advice. – Mr. Fox

This is going to be a total cluster-cuss for everyone. – Kylie

Am I being flirted with by a psychotic rat? – Mrs. Fox

You are a quote-unquote, certified, genius. – Mr. Fox