1562 Best Humor Quotes

The earth is doomed. – Shaggy Rogers

Like, that's the oldest trick in the book! You separate the meddling kids! – Shaggy Rogers

You're the reason they have signs. – Daphne Blake

I've wanted to do that since the third grade. – Fred Jones

Like, we're not just talking about a couple of spooks and a ghost or two. We're talking about the end of the world! – Shaggy Rogers

It's not a trap. It's a... strategic containment area. – Fred Jones

You're letting your personal feelings interfere with your appetite! – Shaggy Rogers

I'm not running, I'm advancing in a different direction! – Shaggy Rogers

Like, I'm so scared I can't even breathe! – Shaggy Rogers

This is no time for your primitive male instincts! – Daphne Blake

Scooby Snacks! The one true universal language. – Shaggy Rogers

My life's a cartoon! – Shaggy Rogers

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And maybe that guy. – Shaggy Rogers

You've got to stop seeing everything as a trap, Fred. – Velma Dinkley

I've always thought a good licking now and then was good for a boy. – Melanie Wilkes

You smug motherfucker. – Dylan G.

Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion! – Kitty Farmer

How does one suck a fuck? – Elizabeth Darko

I'm voting for Dukakis. – Donnie Darko

Did you know that Smurfs are communists? – Donnie Darko

What is the point of living if you don't have a dick? – Donnie Darko

I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years! – Clairee Belcher

The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize. – Clairee Belcher

You are a boil on the butt of humanity. – Ouiser Boudreaux

I'm not necessarily an atheist. I just have my own ideas about God. He's a lot like me, only taller and with a better sense of humor. – Annelle Dupuy Desoto

Smile! It increases your face value. – Truvy Jones

There is no such thing as natural beauty. – Truvy Jones

Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me! – Clairee Belcher

I'm not sure, but I think I just had a near-life experience. – Annelle Dupuy Desoto

The sight of blood just makes me want to hemorrhage. – Shelby Eatenton Latcherie

You know, I've just been to the dentist, and I would rather have my gums scraped again than spend another five minutes with that woman. – Ouiser Boudreaux

She looks like she's been rode hard and put up wet. – Clairee Belcher

I'm not crazy. I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years, and I'm not gonna take it anymore! – Clairee Belcher

In a good shoe, I wear a size six, but a seven feels so good, I buy a size eight. – Truvy Jones

I'm not sure what I'm more afraid of: the diabetes or the pink. – Shelby Eatenton Latcherie

I find it amusing. Men are supposed to be made out of steel or something. – Clairee Belcher

I am impertinent. – Percy Jackson. I am the God of Impertinence. – Hermes

Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die. – Percy Jackson

Oh, my twitchy witchy girl. I think you are so nice. I give you bowls of porridge. And I give you bowls of ice cream. I give you lots of sweet dreams. And I give you a mouse. – The Cat

You have a very strong taste for the dramatic, my dear. – Miss Spink

Let's be honest, this is not the worst thing you've caught me doing. – Tony Stark

I'm sorry, this is the fun-vee. The hum-drum-vee is back there. – Tony Stark

If you douse me again, and I'm not on fire, I'm donating you to a city college. – Tony Stark

I feel like you're driving me to court-martial. This is crazy. What did I do? I feel like you're going to pull over and snuff me. What, you're not allowed to talk? Hey, Forrest! – Tony Stark

I'm a lover, not a fighter. – Tony Stark

What is the point of all those push-ups if you can't even lift a bloody log? – Alfred Pennyworth

He's hot. – Carrie Farris

You have a metal arm? That is awesome, dude! – Peter Parker

I got hit by a train, dude. – Peter Parker

I'm wearing stretchy pants. – Bruce Banner