1562 Best Humor Quotes

I love this song! – Jack Sparrow

A wedding? I love weddings! Drinks all around! – Jack Sparrow

Close your eyes and pretend it's all a bad dream. That's how I get by. – Jack Sparrow

Googly Bear! – Sulley

I'm watching you, Wazowski. Always watching. – Roz

You're supposed to be scary, you overgrown pocket protector! – Mike Wazowski

I'm not a loser, because I don't lose! I win! I'm a winner! – Mike Wazowski

You're supposed to laugh! It's a joke! – Mike Wazowski

I'm not afraid of you. You're a big, fat, stupid, hairy, white... and pink... and... you smell like a girl! – Mike Wazowski (to Sulley)

I have always depended on the kindness of monsters. – Celia Mae

That's it, pal. We're going. We are history. We are so fired. – Mike Wazowski

I'm a professional. I know what I'm doing. – Mike Wazowski

You put that thing back where it came from, or so help me! – Mike Wazowski

I'm a can-do kind of guy! – Mike Wazowski

Well, I'm afraid you've caught me with more than my hands up. – James Bond

I think he got the point. – James Bond

Everybody needs a hobby. So, what's yours? Resurrection. – James Bond

The bullet has shattered the spine and penetrated the thorax. He's in a very bad way. I'm afraid he's... going to live. – Dr. Carter

I thought Christmas only comes once a year. – James Bond

Well, he certainly left with his tail between his legs. – James Bond

She always did enjoy a good squeeze. – James Bond

We're on a mission from God. – Elwood Blues

This is glue. Strong stuff. – Elwood Blues

You got my cheese whiz, boy? – Elwood Blues

Four fried chickens and a Coke. – Elwood Blues

The Lord works in mysterious ways. – Reverend Cleophus James

How much for the little girl? The women, we want to buy your women... No. – Elwood Blues

Orange whip? Orange whip? Three orange whips. – Elwood Blues

You bled all over my suit. – Jake Blues

I have seen the light! – Reverend Cleophus James

This is car 55. We're in a truck! – Cop

I ran out of gas. I got a flat tire. I didn't have change for cab fare. I lost my tux at the cleaners. I locked my keys in the car. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD! – Jake Blues

The day I get out of prison, my own brother picks me up in a police car. – Jake Blues

You want out of this parking lot, right? – Jake Blues

You got to learn not to talk to nuns that way. – Jake Blues

The light was yellow, sir. – Elwood Blues

I have doppelgänger drama to attend to. – Damon Salvatore

I'm the one you want, remember? The better-looking, more charming Salvatore brother. – Damon Salvatore

Hello, John. Goodbye, John. – Damon Salvatore

I'm not a one-night stand, Stefan. I'm the one-night stand. – Damon Salvatore

The point is, I would gladly walk in front of traffic for you. – Meryl Burbank

That's a German-made, 5-cylinder, turbo-charged, miracle of a machine. – Truman Burbank

Close your mouth, Michael. We are not a codfish. – Mary Poppins

Though we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid. – Mrs. Banks

I'm practically perfect in every way. – Mary Poppins

Can you imagine that? A woman? Marchesing? The poor fool. – Mr. Banks

In every direction, a magnificent view! – Admiral Boom

You know, you can say it backwards, which is dociousaliexpilisticfragicalirupus, but that's going a bit too far, don't you think? – Bert

For when they fall, the banks will squeal. And up will go the single spousal ideal! – Mr. Dawes Sr.

Today, the air is such that you can cut it with a knife! – Admiral Boom