1562 Best Humor Quotes

I'm a peacock, captain! You gotta let me fly!

I'm gonna deck your halls, buddy!

Well, let me just quote the late-great Colonel Sanders, who said, "I'm too drunk to taste this chicken."

Why so serious? – The Joker

Let's put a smile on that face! – The Joker

You have a wonderful, terrible power, Max.

I’m not a monster, I’m just... strategically advantaged.

Look, I don’t wanna wreck your holiday, but you’re celebrating wrong.

This is my time to shine!

Welcome to my world of woe.

I’m allergic to cheer.

Murdered by pirates is good. – The Grandfather

Have fun storming the castle! – Miracle Max

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. – Inigo Montoya

Inconceivable! – Vizzini

Anybody want a peanut? – Fezzik

Mawiage. Mawiage is what bwings us togethew today. – The Impressive Clergyman

He's only mostly dead. – Miracle Max

You’re trying to kidnap what I’ve rightfully stolen. – Vizzini

There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours. – Westley

You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia... – Vizzini

True love is the greatest thing in the world—except for a nice MLT—mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. – Miracle Max

I do have a test today. That wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists. It still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car. – Ferris Bueller

Nine times. – Ferris Bueller

I want a car. I want a car. I want a car. I want a car. I want a car. – Ferris Bueller

I'm so depressed I can't even blink. – Cameron

Save Ferris! – Slogan on T-shirt

The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom. – Ferris Bueller

I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign? – Ferris Bueller

What have I seen? I have seen the unexpected. I have seen a law-abiding shrub. I have seen a convicted murderer put a man's head through a payphone. – Jeanie Bueller

I love the English. They're so... relaxed. – Ferris Bueller

You're still here? It's over! Go home. Go! – End Credit

I believe in communism. Rom-communism. – Ted Lasso

You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet. I don't want to hear it. – Coach Beard

It's just a bunch of little babies, man. Little, cute, hairy, pink-toed babies. – Ted Lasso

If that's a joke, I love it. If not, can't wait to unpack that with you later. – Ted Lasso

I feel like we fell out of a lucky tree, hit every branch on the way down, and ended up in a pool of cash and Sour Patch Kids. – Ted Lasso

Fútbol is death! – Dani Rojas

I was actually fired from my last job. But, uh, to be fair, I was trying to play football with a grapefruit. So, you know, I had it coming. – Ted Lasso

You know, I think you might be dying. – Ted Lasso

Enough talk. Let's fight!

That's so fetch! – Gretchen Wieners

I'm not like a regular mom, I'm a cool mom. – Mrs. George

Four for you, Glen Coco! You go, Glen Coco! – Damian Leigh

I'm a mouse, duh. – Damian Leigh

I just have a lot of feelings. – Ms. Norbury

You go, Glen Coco. – Damian Leigh

I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy. – Damian Leigh

Is butter a carb? – Regina George

That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets. – Damian Leigh