1562 Best Humor Quotes

On October 3rd, he asked me what day it was. – Cady Heron

I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina. – Regina George

I know it might look like I was like, doing something bad... but I wasn't. – Aaron Samuels

Grool. – Cady Heron

Raquel, that is the ugliest effing skirt I've ever seen. – Janis Ian

I'm sick of everyone being obsessed with me! – Kevin Gnapoor

It's like I have ESPN or something. – Karen Smith

I'm not a parent, but I'm a cool adult. I'm a cool teacher. – Ms. Norbury

The limit does not exist! – Cady Heron

Certainty of death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for? – Gimli

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. – Bilbo Baggins

Your mom goes to college. – Kip

Tina, you fat lard, come get some dinner! – Napoleon

I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to. – Napoleon

It took me like three hours to finish the shading on your upper lip. – Napoleon

I don't have good skills. You know, like nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills... – Napoleon

Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills. – Napoleon

Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. – Kip

Pedro offers you his protection. – Pedro

Do the chickens have large talons? – Napoleon

I caught you a delicious bass. – Napoleon

Make yourself a dang quesadilla! – Grandma

This is pretty much the worst video ever made. – Deb

I'm pretty much obsessed with it. – Deb

I like your sleeves. They're real big. – Don

You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. – Don

You got like three feet of air that time. – Kip

My lips hurt real bad! – Kip

I'm training to be a cage fighter. – Uncle Rico

Back in '82, I used to be able to throw a pigskin a quarter mile. – Uncle Rico

Kip, I reckon we should get us some while they're hot. I figure it's now or never. – Uncle Rico

Gosh! – Napoleon

Whatever I feel like I wanna do, gosh! – Napoleon

Your tots! – Napoleon

Lafe, I don't have any tots. I don't have any of that. – Deb

I'm going to the store. You want anything? – Kip

Technology is cool. – Deb

I'm a dog! I'm a cute and fluffy dog!

You can't just go around hitting people! That's my job!

My friends need to be punished.

I like fluff... and TAKOYAKI!

I come in peace.

She thinks I'm a dog. I am not a dog!

I'm sorry I ruined your stuff and set you on fire.

He's been here six months and he's already got a record.

I'm the girl. The girl has the rabbit. You're the dog. The dog does not get a present.

I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. – Michael Scott

I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good. – Michael Scott

Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. – Michael Scott

If I don’t have some cake soon, I might die. – Stanley Hudson